mafiadotorgfandomcom-20200213-history
Mafia Gazette Past Issue 97
The Mafia Gazette Issue 97 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Monday 3rd July 'VIOLENCE RETURNS TO PLAGUE OUR CITIES ' By John Milton In a shock return to the level of violence not seen in our cities for some time, a string of high-ranking mobsters were killed last week. The first of the victims was Made Man Toni_A, killed by Denver crime boss W1tchy. Police have confirmed she is their only suspect in the murder, though report there may have been accomplices that aided in the killing. Although vehemently denying the murders, the overwhelming evidence makes this case fairly open and shut, and the DA’s office is extremely confident in gaining a conviction against W1tchy. Authorities have now confirmed that between them, Rosario_Porello and Giovanni_Ricci are in the frame for the second string of killings, with victims including Assorted_I, MagicalTrevorJr, Pudgy_Seagal, and Mechanika, with fellow Conceptualist and Wise Guy Mind-Decay falling to Dani-California before her eventual death. Police report that the second wave of deaths will be harder to gain a conviction for, as forces nationwide were busy at the time dealing with the W1tchy case and vital evidence was lost before it could be logged. Local members of Government office have called strongly for Police to face up to their incompetent actions regarding these investigations, and issue a formal apology to the families of the victims involved. As yet, the Police have made no comment. In other news, Rosario_Porello was once again at the centre of a gunfight, but this time it was as the victim to an attack staged somewhat unsuccessfully by MendingCulture. The botched assassination attempt seemed easily shrugged off by Rosario’s bodyguards, and MendingCulture soon lay in the rapidly-filling morgue. In an earlier bungled attack, the NY Capo also dispatched DazzFi who tried to kill her. The reasons behind DazzFi’s attack are as yet unknown, all that is known for sure is that the Made had strong alliances with W1tchy, though no link to her or her crime family have been made at this time. Other recent gun battles have been reported involving Rosario, though the Gazette is yet to receive information from the Police as to the motives behind the shootings, with them only naming the victim as Ghost_of_Potzy at this stage. 'RETURN OF ASDA HALTED BY TMS GUNMAN ' By Zinglebert Humptyback A name once familiar to the West coast, ASDA has recently been slowly re-emerging into the world of organized crime. A rather subdued return, some might say, considering their explosive and often controversial past. That is, until a TMS gunman by the name of CharlieCroker decided to take out Cl3menza, an ASDA Made Man. Police report that the Made was originally attacked in Las Vegas, but subsequent gunfights were reported in Los Angeles, then Dallas, where he eventually fell to a hail of TMS bullets. In a refreshingly open move, the TMS gunman approached the Gazette to give his side of the story, he was quoted to say, “The killing was in retaliation to the come back of ASDA… It was because he donned the ASDA tag...”. When asked if the ASDA tag was the only reason this man had his life taken away from him, he answered, “More or less”. Speculation is now rife about possible ASDA retaliations, certainly the ASDA we saw of old would not be sitting idly by after the death of one of their Made Men, but it is yet to be seen if there will be any further violence between the two families. CharlieCroker later died during a failed assassination attempt on Mr-RoastBeef. More news on this situation as it reaches us. 'NEW YORK RUNS RED ' By Hugh Jass Yesterday, July 2nd, saw a barrage of attacks launched on certain well-known Conceptualists. Namely CharlieCroker and Karma. Reporters at the Gazette have learned that it was apparently an act of revenge for the death of ASDA Made Man Cl3menza. During the funeral of Cl3menza, CharlieCroker, reportedly a descendant of notorious Conceptualist FCUK, claimed that “It was a huge mistake to bring ASDA back”, and branded the reserved mobster an unfit Made Man. This reportedly led to an invasion of the Conceptualist stranglehold New York, and resulted in the death of 28 Bodyguards. Our feelings at the Gazette go out to all of the families of the men and women, who were slain in a matter of hours. Among the victims was Croker, a high-ranked mobster who was a formidable part of the Conceptualist group. Rumours are circulating that ASDA marksman Mr-RoastBeef was the killer. Mr-RoastBeef soon followed suit and joined Croker in the bone yard. After a period of uneasy calm, shots again were heard, as hired Goons began to drop. Ultimately resulting in New York Goomba Francis_Briegel fleeing to Detroit. The final victim was the son of the late notorious Made Man Kush, a mobster named Karma. His assassin is said to have been ASDA veteran limeh, with eyewitnesses claiming that a bullet was fired directly into Karma’s head, as he strolled out of his NY bar. Karma was pronounced dead on arrival at the New York state hospital at 4:30PM. The Gazette will promptly bring you more on this story as it develops. 'BREAKING NEWS ' By Gazette Reporter. Rosario_Porello, the beautiful Made Woman of New York, has long held the attention of men in the Mafiosi community. Now it seems, she has also held the attention of the police. Following the recent spate of high-profile deaths in the community, many of the still-living Mafiosi, including Ms. Porello, have been called into close scrutiny by the police forces of our great nation. Once more, the professional attitude and commitment to the story that is typical of all Gazette reporters has given us the edge in the investigations and we are able to report to you first that Ms. Porello may not be all that she seems. We sent an undercover reporter – who wishes to remain anonymous for obvious reasons – into the heart of Ms. Porello’s operation dressed as a Chip ‘N Dale dancer. As stunning as our undercover reporter’s oiled pecs were to behold, we were surprised to hear that the leader of the New York Family was distinctly uninterested. After nearly two hours of hard drinking and high-stakes gambling – not to mention ignoring our undercover reporter’s chiseled and gleaming abs – Ms. Porello excused herself to head for the restrooms. Our undercover reporter was mesmerizing in his role as the exotic dancer and as he glided down the polished brass pole, he caught sight of Ms. Porello entering the gents’ restroom. The gents’. While we are, as yet, unable to comment any further on the suspected involvement of Ms. Porello in the recent scenes of street violence that has gripped the attentions and concerns of the public, this reporter is happy to offer his profound insight and wisdom with regard to Ms. Porello. Either, Ms. Porello has less than exquisite tastes in her selection of locations in which to find suitable evening company, or the fetching skirts she wears hide more than just shapely legs. More news as we have it... 'THE REAL WORD ON THE STREET ' He says, “The word on the street is… Puck is too nice, he needs to toughen up if he wants to win over the laydeeez.” He says, “The word on the street is… Randle was seen walking off into the sunset, handing Aphex the #1 grey spot as he left for his retirement.” He says, “The word on the street is… MoneyPenny won’t eat meat, but kills innocent PLANTS!.” He says, “The word on the street is… Jen’s family line die too often, it’s annoying.” He says, “The word on the street is… Zie Funkmeister gets funkier by the day.” 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Classified ads to John Milton Milton Chadwick & Waters law firm. For all your legal needs, contact John Milton for further information. 16:04, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:04, February 16, 2013 (UTC)16:04, February 16, 2013 (UTC) 16:04, February 16, 2013 (UTC) The Mafia Gazette is recruiting! Regular columnists and feature writers wanted. Please submit a sample article to John Milton if you are interested in applying for a position.